“For A Good Time, Friend (My Gamertag)”
A mystery was afoot.
Late Sunday night, while I was playing “50 Cent: Blood on the Sand” (don’t judge me!) in an Xbox LIVE co-op game, I received a friend request from a stranger. I didn’t think anything of it, as I do get one random friend request probably once every few months, usually from friends of friends. So I continued searching for Fiddy’s jewel-encrusted skull.
But then, several minutes later, I received another request. And another. And another. And another. Some of these folks had “Xx” in their tags, others were written L1k3 tH15. I thought for sure I was getting spammed by evil Xbox LIVE robots trying to sell me pornography and/or genitalia-enhancing medications. Then some of them even started trying to Party Chat with me. This is when I officially got creeped out. It’s as if someone had scribbled my gamertag on a bathroom wall at a truck stop.
I’ve since changed my privacy settings, but as far as I know, my gamertag isn’t listed anywhere, yet I had gotten 53 messages since then. I decided to see what was up, so I messaged a few people who sent me a friend request. Apparently you can only send 22 messages — if I counted correctly — in one day to people not on your Friends List, per Xbox.com’s policy. I wrote, “Hi there! Do I know you? May I ask how you got my gamertag? Thanks!”
These are the replies I’ve gotten so far:
– “hey there foxymama”
– “1 just want to be your bud”
– “can u accept my frend request”
– “i was just going on some og my friends and i think that how i added u”
– “i just put in random name and what do you know”
– “hey if u dont want to add me it ok and what is ur name”
– “NO U DONT KNOW ME”
– “tall 6′10″
– “heyy babe =)”
– “a frad”
– “we have played before u must have forgotten me happends to me all the time :( ” [Note: This is a lie, according to my Recent Players list.]
– “i looked on some 1s friends list”
– “hi yes”
– “u dont know me.i was just looking at peoples gamertags and i saw urs and not thats cool because not that many girls play xbox”
– “i need some more friends”
– “I was just lookin at the gamer spotlights friend list an u were playn that game.”
– “u dont know me. now i g0t ur gametag from the gamer spotlight. 1 More thing r u agirl”
– “From Android”
– “your titus androids friend”
I’ve gotten a few voice mail messages from some of them as well. From the pitch of their voices, I’m probably old enough to be their mother. (Also, as a writer, I’m very concerned about their level of literacy.)
But the last few messages yielded big clues. I had just realized that my friend Blain, whose gamertag is Titus Android, is currently being featured in the Gamer Spotlight on Xbox.com. One of my buddies at Microsoft told me that when a new Gamer Spotlight goes up, it also goes up on the Inside Xbox and Spotlight channels on the NXE dashboard, which probably receives millions of click-throughs.
I got a hold of Blain. He said he hadn’t been online in two weeks, and he hasn’t accepted any of the nearly 100 friend requests he’s gotten. But when I asked him to look at his privacy settings, it was indeed set to “Everyone,” meaning everyone could see his Friends List.
I asked two other pals, who are XBL friends with Blain, how many random friend requests they’ve received in the last week. One got three requests, another got only one. They are both males who play online frequently. Blain’s only other female XBL friends are Xbox LIVE community manager Trixie360 and a member of the PMS clan. I assume both women already get a lot of friend requests as it is just for being public figures in gaming. In other words, there wasn’t another civilian female gamer I could compare to, in terms of the amount of friend requests received since Blain’s Gamer Spotlight.
This is by no means scientific, but from the flood of requests (as compared to the number that my male counterparts received) and the nature of a few of the messages, I’m led to believe that some of these gamers who contacted me really want to find a female playmate. There are plenty of women playing games online these days, but maybe they’re avoiding these kind of people for being so weird about it. I’ve also heard plenty of horror stories about ladies being harassed in multiplayer matches; I even got yelled at once during a heated game of “UNO.”
So which is it, Random Gamer Guys? Do you want to play with us or persecute us? Clearly I can’t and won’t generalize the male gaming population, because many I’ve encountered are solid dudes — or simply, normal. But it’s also obvious that some players, maybe the younger ones, think that females who enjoy the same hobby are some kind of magical, one-eyed unicorn — a rare find. But Xbox LIVE is not a dating service, either. While I’m sorry these players are having trouble finding and forging relationships with girls who game, I think there are other ways to go about it without sending cryptic, illiterate messages to anyone with a feminine-looking avatar.
And trust me, I’m not the best FPS player anyway, and I swear like a sailor; I’m not that much different from your average gamer. I doubt I’d add anything special to your online gaming experience, other than that I’m a semi-mature, thinking human being who likes to shoot people (virtually).
By the way, Blain’s Friends List is now changed to “Friends Only.”
So problem solved — that should take care of the creepy people trying to talk to me when I’m gaming online. Now I think I’ll just take an innocent stroll through Home to relax…
[UPDATE: I got hit on by a 10-year-old.]
You know you’ve arrived when your gamertag has been “published” in the men’s restroom. Congrats on the new found fame!
Oh. Xbox Live is NOT a dating service.
Everything makes so much more sense now.
Brinstar linked this, and I of course followed because I’m writing about my negative experiences trying to date a “gamer girl” this past summer. I’ve decided that it’s actually impossible to do so (write about it or try it) without sounding like or being a complete moron. I’m totally quoting you on the one-eyed unicorn. The weird thing for me is that on the Internet it doesn’t seem very unusual to find female gamers, whereas in real life they really are “rare” depending on whether you live in a large city or not. I wonder if most of these boys trying to friend you are from smaller towns and really have never met a gaming female in real life. Anyhoo, thanks for the fun post.
PS. Please don’t try to friend me on XBL just because I’m a Jewish Leprechaun, kthx.
[...] her professor about this semi-harassment, so (of course) I did. This is reminiscent of a recent post by Tracey John, musing about the fact that male gamers crave female gaming partners but often [...]
[...] gotten more than 50 additional messages since my last post on the topic, despite my friend Blain no longer being on Xbox.com’s Gamer Spotlight and the fact that his [...]
[...] even playing the same games as them (if you have no clue what I’m bitching about, check out this post for a good idea, courtesy of the lovely Tracey John). But, uh… that’s neither here nor [...]
[...] or even playing the same games as them (if you have no clue what I’m bitching about, check out this post for a good idea, courtesy of the lovely Tracey John). But, uh… that’s neither here nor there, [...]
[...] or even playing the same games as them (if you have no clue what I’m bitching about, check out this post for a good idea, courtesy of the lovely Tracey John). But, uh… that’s neither here nor there, [...]
Hey,um the chick who posted this..do you mind emailing your gamertag.im not like those other ppl.just looking for new friends and plus you have a high gamerscore lol.or if not,you can add me…my gamertag is “Old Skool Andre”..thanks